However, there are instances where the outcome independence thought process sets you up for failure. But the realistic outlook is having faith in yourself and learning if it doesn’t work out, you’ll recover and be ok. So, yes, you care if it doesn’t work out. How often do you meet someone you’re attracted to and is compatible with your interests, values and personality? I would bet not a high percentage of the time. It’s unrealistic to expect someone not to care. If I don’t get this person I’m attracted to, I don’t care because there are plenty of others out there. Realistic and Unrealistic Outcome Independence : I’m going to upset the apple cart again with this one, but I see this too often used as a coping mechanism for insecure people. This isn’t the job of a dating/relationship coach or advisor. Take a break from dating and find a licensed professional. * You may disagree with me on this point, but let me stress that if you have problems you can’t get past, you need quality therapy. Look for ways to move powerfully and confidently into the future with or without a significant other. Don’t let anyone make you feel there’s something wrong with you because you’re single. Once you are labeled as broken that’s how you will view yourself and what you’ll project to others. Referring to yourself often as in the healing process puts you in a box. If you’re continuously rehashing every relationship gone wrong with the goal of fixing yourself, you’ll never leave your past behind. Heal yourself first: * This can be destructive but is accepted as a rule set in stone. You’ll soon realize some who were deemed not so perfect may have actually been great for you. Spending your time looking for one will only lead to discontent, frustration, and giving up on dating begins to look good. What worked for the person advising you may be anathema to the person you’re dating.įind your perfect person: I hate to pop your bubble but there is no perfect person. By the way, deadlines in dating should be a mutual agreement because they can quickly turn into a relationship killer. These games are for children and make you appear manipulative. Why would she give you a second thought if you pretend you’re not interested. Regardless of what the rules deem, if you’re hesitant to call or text, she may see that as insecurity, not an alpha move, or worse, that you’re just a jerk. Who doesn’t? This rule rates high on the stupid scale. No, no, no, no, no.Īnyone who withholds complimenting a woman has been seriously mislead. Play hard to get: Don’t call too soon, wait three days to text, don’t give out compliments, be cool. There are hundreds of rules that I’m sure you’ve had a taste of. Mother would always ask me if my friends were going to jump off a cliff would I do it too, just because? Who Writes These Rules Just because someone suggests an action is not a reason to do it. But you should weigh all advice carefully because you’re the one living with the consequences of your decisions. That’s why it’s also important to talk with friends and family who know you well and have your best interests at heart. But remember the advice is based on what they’ve read, their opinion, personal life experience and that of other clients, which may not be right for you. It’s natural to believe someone who presents themselves as an expert is the solution. If you’re coming off a breakup and trying to start over, you’re quite vulnerable. Driving home a sense of urgency and planting the seed they are the answer to fulfilling your dreams doesn’t hurt either.Īs you can imagine, some relationship advice is good, some is terrible, some is outdated, and some can do a lot of damage. It makes marketing their product much simpler, attractive and more lucrative. A concrete list that can be repeated again and again works. Those of us with business experience quickly recognize why. Usually called red flags or red pills, the list is unwavering, carved in stone. After reading, watching, and listening you quickly learn every expert has a set of rules, and they’re all remarkedly similar. You can’t miss the phenomenal inventory of videos, articles, books and social media accounts. Let’s set aside apps and venture into the world of online dating and relationship advice. But my curiosity about the love industry has grown over the last few years since arriving at twitter. I’ve never used a dating app because my dates were mostly screened through friends, family or business acquaintances. Many have garnered success in what has become a tremendous money maker, finding someone to date.
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